Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
