Already got asked if we're dating
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want nice things and good sex
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
