sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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