Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
