just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just want nice things and good sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
