peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She even gives head with a lisp.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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