So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize