you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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