So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
