yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
