I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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