don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
