Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
