just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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