we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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