i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
