Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
operation harelip BJ is a go
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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