i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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