he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
