wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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