There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your face is a jimmy john
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
