erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
