I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
