I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
