So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
