if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
