If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The uberlube is also flammable
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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