I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
