I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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