apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
