I wish I only lived at night.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
