yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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