I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
