The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize