I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
