just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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