Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
