watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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