Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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