She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
