He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize