Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
