"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
