I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
