I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
