im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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