he wants to bone in the snuggie
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
