but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
