We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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