how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
