I want to walk on stilts...naked
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
