dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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