Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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