i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
