Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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