I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
