he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
