Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You have to summon your inner elephant
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize