there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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