Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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