Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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