Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
