Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you never un-have a 4some
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
