Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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