I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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