Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
