i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
