goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize