I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
