It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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