Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
