I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
