Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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