alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I cut my penus on the lid.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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