he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
