I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize