Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
