I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
