Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
